Iris
by dragon tears1
Summary: JayneRiverShe watches has the life of her love ones moves ahead without her. Beside him.


_Iris._

All she could ever do was watch. Watch her life pass her by, watch the people she love move ahead, while she was stuck in the past, the present. Watch, has they all ended up happy somehow, without her.

She watches him. Taking every little detail she could hold close to her, knowing it will never be. She was broken, and he was whole. So she watches his life unroll before her, without her. She had to restrain her hands to go to him. But he knew. He knew she watches and he never once look at her, living without her.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

'_Cause I know you can feel me somehow._

She felt like a leaf in the wind. Flying endlessly, never having a home to fall back on. She doesn't belong anywhere, not on this ship, not with her brother, not with her parents, not at the hospital with the crazy and not with him. So she enjoys. Enjoys the little talk they have, even if he calls her by names she dislikes. She enjoys the meal table, because she was always seated beside him. She enjoys watching. She doesn't want a home, she doesn't need one, as long as she can keep watching, and everything will be fine.

Because he knows.

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

She knew she was not the kind of girl he went for. She was not whole, not all there. So she kept silent and listens to him. He could talk for the both of them. She liked that. He was loud and made no sense, always in for the battle and each time, she had a little smile tucking at her lips.

Her life was nothing. Her head was full of torment and lost memories. So she crawled inside his head, slowly, tenderly. There was no needle there, his mind was quiet. So she cuddled there in the long night, and listen to his dreams, to his life. And in the shadow of her demon, she smiled. She could only enjoy.

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

When he wakes, she wakes. Then it's over. The darkness comes again and the demon comes out. Her peace is gone. A lonely tear ran down her face and she hear his footseps. He doesn't stop, he never stops. So she crawled back to bed, because she knows that while she's awake, she'll miss him and he won't.

When he listens, she talks. She tries to put the word in sentences, but it all comes down in riddles and he stopps listening. She bent her head down.

All of this happens in her good days and she hates the good days.

'_Cause sooner or later it's over_

_And I don't want to miss you tonight_

She doesn't move, doesn't talk, and doesn't even watch. She puts herself in the shadow of her mind and ignores everyone, she only focus on the things that happen to her, to her darkness. Too many memories. She shields herself, even from him.

She doesn't want her brother to know what they've done. He had already screwed his life for her, he didn't need this, and he didn't need her but Kaylee.She couldn't tell him, show him. He wasn't ready to see.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

'_Cause I don't think that they'd did understand._

Sweet Kaylee. The one who always tries to makes her whole again, not broken. She doesn't know too. It would take away the sunshine, the brightness. Kaylee is kind but doesn't want to see the broken part. Mal, Inara, Wash, Zoe...Even Book doesn't want too see it. It's better to think she's crazy.

But she's broken.

She can't live without seeing the needles, the bloods, the hands of blue and all the other little children. She used to think that life was wonderful. Everything can break now.

He watches her. He knows. Because he had seen the broken before. He thinks he had her all figure out, but he don't. She hoped he could...

_When everything's meant to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am._

She walks endlessly in the ship, never finding peace. The tears don't come those nights, the demons are too strong. They won't even let her cry. So she goes to him and he's there, waiting for her, knowing she would come. He told her to go pestered someone else but he always close the door and let her in. He says he doesn't care 'bout her problem, she knows better.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming._

_Or the moment of thruth in your lies._

He took her into his strong arms, trying to get an emotion out of her. She doesn't react and he sighs. He likes it better when she's watching. She clutched his shirt and puts her head on his strong shoulder, at the beginning of his neck. She smelled him and closed her eyes.

_When everything feels like the movie..._

She clutched his shoulder, harder and harder until it bleeds. He never said a word, understanding she needs to let it out. When she felt the blood dripping his shirt, her eyes open and she looks at his chest, sensing his warmth, the protective way he's holding her.

She closed her eyes again. Everything's fine, she's on Serenity, with him. With her home.

_Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive._

In the morning, he doesn't watches her again, has she watches them. She's all right again. She listens again, she enjoys again and she watches again. Every once in a while a smile tucked at her lips, she doesn't need a home anymore, she crawled inside his head again and talks. But she can't wait.

She can't wait to be unable to talk again, to crawl into his head, to listen and watch. She can't wait to find her home again. Because her home is a killer, her home is a big-mouthed talker who doesn't makes sense and names his guns. Her home is someone who gives her bad names and thinks she's crazy on her good day. But her home is someone who knows she need to let it out, she needs to get rid of the memories, to grab into something. Her home knows she need to feel watch on her bad days. Her home knows her better. Knows her better then she thought he could.

She loved bad days.Because her home needs her too then.

_I just want you to know who I am._

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_There you go people! Sorry for the mistakes, I'ma French trying to upgrated her english! Don't be too hard! I hope you enjoy my first fic on Firefly, hopefully, I'll write another one if this one is appreciated!_

_The song is called :IRIs by the Goo Goo Dolls. Great song!_

_Thansk and leave me _

_REVIEWS:p_

_Dragontears._


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